I had lofty ideals of kicking off my writing year with the ‘Dating Commandments of 2020’ however an unexpected (well partially expected) turn of events has put that on the back burner.
There’s a story here…I certainly didn’t plan on beginning 2020 with a post about me making it a mere 6 days into the new year before being triggered by the ghost of garbage past!
So…for a while now my MacBook (circa 2011) has been threatening me with the grey screen of death. My roommate has encouraged me to back up the now “obsolete” technology (Apple’s words not mine) on numerous occasions. But I (being the stubborn bitch I am) refused to listen! After a trip to the Genius Bar I was informed by Vlad, a twenty something hipster covered in ironic tattoos, that the old workhorse is irreparable and has gone to the Apple elephant graveyard. Currently I don’t have a spare kidney to donate to procure an upgrade so…cue the return of the 2013 iPad mini.
After waiting 7 hours (not even kidding) for it to install 5 years of software updates I was back in business and ready to get started telling you all about the dating mistakes I refuse to make this year.
The fucking iCloud swoops in and restores the iPad to 2016, bringing everything “down” from wherever the fuck it’s been hiding for the past 4 years punching me right in the tits with the screen saver…a pic of me and the man who is recorded on my “list” as Voldemort. (True story)
If I thought I was triggered by the screen saver the rest of the camera roll had me close to Skyping my therapist from the foetal position.
There it was – the dossier I kept during the final 6 months of what I now clearly understand was an abusive relationship. I clearly understood it then too. Why else would I keep screen shots of threatening text messages, exchanges he’d had with other women on Tinder while I was in bed asleep next to him, pictures of the damage he’d caused to my property, screen shots of text messages from friends outwardly stating that his behaviour was unacceptable and, most worryingly, pictures of my marked and bruised skin from physical abuse. I kept this shit because in my mind when I had finally had enough of the gaslighting and abuse I planned to take an AVO out against him – so I could never go back! (Yes I realise how messed up this logic sounds)
It didn’t come to this and the “evidence” sat on the camera roll unused. It all ended very calmly when during an argument via text about why he wouldn’t join me at a family event (an aspect of the “relationship” that had become normalised, my family and friends despised him) I received the loving message “Leave me fuck alone”.
And I did.
I never spoke to him again. I deleted his number, blocked him on social media and sold, donated or binned any of his belongings that were left in my home. I went and got the Cadillac of STI checks and booked myself into a psychologist who specialised in abuse and trauma.
And guess what…I’m not triggered anymore! Ok, so I was triggered this afternoon. I saw the screen shots and I was right back in 2016…for all of 2 minutes.
That’s the thing about triggers – once you can identify them you can adjust your reaction to them. Don’t get me wrong I am still triggered by certain behaviours in potential partners, and nine times out of ten this is a sign that I have not respected my own boundaries. I’m far from perfect and still lose my shit from time to time, and that’s ok. Triggers are ok, it’s how we deal with them that often isn’t!
So the moral of this story is:
1) Always backup your fucking shit
2) iCloud is out to ruin our lives
3) It’s totally natural to be triggered, it’s how we deal with these triggers that often requires attention
4) It’s 2020…if you can correctly identify every member of the Kardashian-Jenner-West family then it’s time to identify your triggers and deal with them in a healthy way
Wishing you all a trigger free day. If for any reason this post has triggered you – feel free to tell me so via Instagram @daisydeconstructs ✌🏼